I’ve been doing this for over 10 years.
‘Managing’ is about the best I can hope for. The chances of me being happy for any prolonged period of time are zero to nil.
I feel I’m floating down a river of tears, grabbing on to the occasional happiness bringing rock (friends, lovers, good days) for dear life. Eventually though the current tears me from those rocks and I’m dragged off again, struggling to keep my head above water until I spot another and latch on to it. But the fact is, I’m drowning and the river is too strong to fight forever.
Eventually it will win, it will pull me under and I’ll let it.